“Don’t be afraid to fail.

Be afraid of losing step with the rhythm of who you are and what feeds you — truly feeds you, makes you dream, and your spirit even tremble with delight — get to the root of that and stay there, not losing the pace.””

— Wise old me last week

Living in a city can be hard - that’s no surprise to hear. The reasons are commonly expressed by many-- heightened competition, demanding living expenses, the unresponsive nature of a cold metropolis. I’d hear these reasons and would agree, they certainly made living in New York to be challenging but while others saw them as the definitive justifications that made this great city to be nearly insufferable, I always saw the beauties of New York to far out reach its pains.

“And what creates the beauty of New York is also what draws much of its heartbreak, which is that no one comes to live in this great city without a dream.”

wonder

delight

feed

Kiyoshi Koishi

my most favorite

Kiyoshi Koishi

The city’s ever-present potential for movement and action makes you feel alive. And what creates the beauty of New York is also what draws much of its heartbreak, which is that no one comes to live in this great city without a dream.

I had always been a girl with a big imagination. Dreaming was my norm state. Being present only in one world at its present condition was the challenge. 2017 came to me with a dizzying halt when I came

to recognize that after living in New York for 9 years, I had stopped dreaming.

And I learned, living here isn't challenging just because of reasons like high monthly rent and the inconvenience of not having a car, its challenge to me is that it turns me into a hustler that gets too busy in the day-to-day hustle, I forgot what I’m hustling after.

I’ve been having a series of big and little epiphanies in the past few months. An excavating of my personal me again - the one that is outwardly useless and strange but inwardly rich, deep, and, a lot of fun. And I learned that I should never allow myself to slip into that shell of a person, of a woman again. Life is too rich with its possibilities and its potential for beauty too ripe in order to not keep churning the inner machine and feed its continuous stream of dreams or delusions.

In following up with that, I’m launching the Diary. My objective is to keep note of the things I’ve come across that feed me, place me in awe and wonder, or bring even a simple draw of delight. My diary entries will cover my personal digestions of things I’ve read, seen, heard through books, interviews, plays, music, art, and then there will be a section that is completely not that. That will be just “inside me ideas (who knows what this could mean.)"

In the meantime, I wanted to draw back to my most recent mementos of when I was most strongly inspired. I've dropped in a sprinkling of my most favorite photos, artists, places, times, and music that brought me to that place of inspiration - when your heart starts seeing with its own eyes and your spirit dizzies with befuddled awe. Hover over each item, and you'll be able to read about what each means to me in the captions.